30 March 2016

Anon likes Furry

>Be me
>14 year old autistic furfag
>straight
>wants to ejaculate for first time.
>looks up "furry porn flash games"
>forgets incognito mode 
>plays for a while some crappy games. 4/10s because barely anything good for me and it's all timing based.
>doesn't ejaculate.
>feels let down. 
>whatever.jpg
>goes to sleep
>running computer scan overnight because downloaded some bad shit from a torrent
>wakes up.
>Walks to living room
>Parents looking at me upset.
>Confused
>Have breakfast and they show me a picture of browser history.
>Realize I forgot to make it shut off after virus scan
>I know I'm fucked.
>don't say anything because antisocial kinda fat autist.
>They don't say anything
>goes throughout day normally.
>never mentioned again.
>go back to bedroom.
>Don't go back out.
>Next day
>tell parents I'm a furfaggot. 
>They treat me like I'm hurler summoning Satan.
>we have 2 dogs.
>they show me one of my dogs asses and tell me if I get off to it.
>I say "no"
>They deny it
>goes to church that night. (Am Catholic faggot)
>forced to go to confession
>Tell altar server friend before going into confessional (one of my best friends to this day to be honest) that my parents think I'm a zoophiliac
>He thinks that's fucked up even when he knows I'm a furfag
>Friend says "anon, I'm a bit of a furry too."
>intrigue
>we organize a fap meeting once a month
>we fap to furry porn
>Still do it to this day but less often
>Still both straight
>Still both furfaggots 
>pic unrelated

28 March 2016

Russel Coight

>I was only 9 years old
>I loved Russel Coight so much, I had all the merchandise and dvds
>I pray to Russel Coight night before bed, thanking him for the life I’ve been given
>"Russel Coight is love" I say; “Russel Coight is life”
>My dad hears me and calls me a faggot
>I know he was just jealous of my devotion for Russel Coight
>I called him a cunt
>He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep
>I’m crying now, and my face hurts
>I lay in bed and it’s really cold
>Suddenly, a warmth is moving towards me
>It’s Russel Coight
>I am so happy
>He whispers into my ear “This is my outback.”
>He grabs me with his powerful blistered hands and puts me down onto my hands and knees
>I’m ready
>I spread my ass-cheeks for Russel Coight
>He penetrates my butt-hole
>It hurts so much but I do it for Russel Coight
>I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water
>I push against his force
>I want to please Russel Coight
>He roars in a mighty roar as he fills my butt with his love
>My dad walks in
>Russel Coight looks him straight in the eyes and says “Time to hit the road.”
>Russel Coight trips and falls through my window
>Russel Coight is love. Russel Coight is life.

25 March 2016

Theres more

>take a nap in the middle of the day
>wake up feeling fresher than 90's will smith
>holy shit I smell something
>smells like cake
>can't get any harder
>rush to the kitchen
>scent is getting stronger
>holy shit my dad made chocolate cake
>smells like betty Crocker was milfing around
>dad tells me I could have a bite
>my mouth is watery like that off brand chef boy rd
>fuk
>it tastes so good
>can't help scarfing down half of the cake
>dad says I could have as much as I want.
>Down the whole cake
>start going to my room
>dad says "wait there is more!"
>pulls out three more cakes
>"dad how much did this fucking cost."
>"about 3 easy payments of 19.99"
>fuck dude... My dad Is Billy mayes.
>poisoned the cakes with oxiclean
>my casket is lined with George foreman grills and oxiclean
>"but wait there is more!"
>dad throws 99 pennies and 19 singles into my casket

24 March 2016

Belly rumble

>playing some call of dooties tree
>my belly starts to rumble
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"Anon, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME GRILLED TENDERS
>grab my hulk fists and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"ANON SMASH!"
>just like my hero, saitama, knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on the 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello anon how were your tend-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"ANON NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"ANON ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her put some tic-tacs out of an orange bottle into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CSGO


23 March 2016

Twin Bro

>be me
>about half a year ago
>be in same class as hot girl
>hot girl throws house party at the end of the schoolyear
>everyone gets super wasted, suddenly hot girl takes me into upstairs bedroom 
>undresses and throws me onto bed
>mfw
>start having hardcore drunken sex like animals
>loud moaning very sweaty and beer everywhere
>feelsgood.jpg
>suddenly feel a disturbance in the force
>too late
>girl has crash landing on dick the japs would be jealous of
>dick snaps
>feelsbad.jpg
>start screaming in pain
>run downstairs to find ice for cooldown
>no icecubes, just frozen vanilla flavoured cowsmoothie
>apply broken dick onto frozen delight
>pure bliss
>turn around to sit down
>whole party stares at me, music still playing
>sexy and i know it.mp3
>try to remove frozen dairy dumbell from dick
>bent dick stuck because saliva from hot girl
>panic strikes
>run through the crowd to get pants from upstairs
>fuck it just run for the hills
>get home
>just dad, no other witnesses
>dad takes me to hospital
>not lethal so anon survives
>swear a bloodoath never to tell anyone
next schoolyear starts
i have a twin brother, forgot to mention
>story seems to have spread
>brother acts weird
>ask why
>everyone yells at him for no reason
>they yell folding-dick fred
>fuckno
>realise what up
>can't do anything because scared 
>situation gets worse after every week that passes
last weekend shit got dense
>brother can't take it anymore
>turns out the hot girl meant to invite brother because he was the cool one
dad figured out everything so hes taking all of my internet away

22 March 2016

Poopy diaper

>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement 
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 43, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of tendie chilli
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox One
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place

21 March 2016

Lance

>be me, years ago
>freshman in hs
>school has an unusually large tard population
>one tard, we'll call him lance, was very different from the other tards
>no one really knew how old he was, just that he was in his 20's and we had no idea wtf he was still doing at school
>Lance fully believed he was a police officer
>has plastic badge pinned to his shirt 
>shirt has "SHERIFF" written on the back in sharpie
>ff a couple hours
>have to share the gym with tards in third period
>other tards stick to their side of the gym, throwing balls at each other's heads, or whatever the fuck tards do
>enter Lance
>lance has snobby attitude, and is constantly glued to the tard wranglers side until he has to "make an arrest"
>just chilling with my friends, walking laps around the gym 
>lance stands in the corner with the wrangler, silently observing, waiting to make his move against the tyranny of 9th graders
>Lance picks his target and starts moving in
>target is 8/10 qt3.14 standing and gossiping with other lil bitches
>lance is always arresting her, but we assumed it was some creepy crush type deal he had for her
>while he's pretending to take the girl into custody, a jock guy decides to throw a basketball at his head
>devastatingimpact.exe
>lance collapses, lands face first, doesn't move
>gym is so quiet you could hear a mouse fart, everyone watching
>jock (let's call him Garrett) tries to play it off like an accident 
>"oh shit my bad, dude!"
>hear lance start to hyperventilate while still face down

>like a bolt of lightning, lance is on his feet 
>glaring at the Garrett with the hatred and spite of a thousand holocaust survivors 
>grabs his police radio (a broken Nokia the wrangler gave him) and starts yelling into it in tard speak
>all I can decipher is "BRACKRUP, I NAED BRACKRUP" followed by more tard gibberish
>Lance drops his Nokia on the floor, and full on charges Garrett
>Garrett stands there in horror as this misshapen bulb of tard rushes towards him
>braces himself, but the brute force of the tard collision knocks him to the ground
>lance is now trying his best to push garrets arms and legs away so he can position himself on top of him
>so he can "arrest" him

>everyone just standing and watching in shock as this raging tard struggles to straddle a terrified, flailing teenager
>wrangler can't separate the two, shits like a dog fight
>Garret gets fed up and lands a solid punch into lances jaw
>outcold.jpg
>watch as Garrett struggles to push limp tard body off of him
>wrangler loses her shit, going on and on about how she's pressing charges on Garrett 
>principle and police called, got to go to the science room and watch TV for the rest of the period
>never saw Garrett again, his friends said his mom made him transfer
>mfw lance still patrols the halls of my school

20 March 2016

Air Bud love

>Be me
>14 year old, beta faggot
>Typical greentext protagonist, you all know how this goes
>Except
>Love the Air Bud series
>Favorite movie, have all 5 original movies plus the "Air Buddies" movies on VHS
>Posters of Kevin Zegers all over my room
>One Day
>Meet girl at school
>She's pretty cool and decently attractive
>instantly fall in love
>We start talking 
>Movies come up in one discussion
>"Oh yeah, if you like you can come over and we can watch my favorite movie"
>Keep it a secret because I think it's cool to be mysterious
>"Sure, Anon, I'd love that!"
>ohshitreally.jpg
>We set up a date
>She comes over
>"Hi Anon...Oops!"
>She Tripped over my Air-Bud light-up sneakers from Wal-Mart as she walks in the door
>I left them there as a hint
>Show her around
>She seems happy at first, but soon quiets down after seeing all my memorabilia, including my Air-Bud promotional breakfast cereal and my Kevin Zegers action figure collection
>She sighs when she sees my original "K-9" Jersey
>assume it is a sigh of passion
>After the tour, I ask "So can you guess my favorite movie?"
>"Is it...Air Bud?"
>"Hey, that's right! You win! I guess I've got to give you a prize now!"
>"Yay...What is it?"
>Almost say "A Kiss"
>Pussy out
>Give her a mint-condition action figure of the skateboarding monkey from Air Bud 2 
>She leaves
>Air Bud marathon