Lint Roller

>put on brown rice>shit takes 50 min to cook>haven't fed the clam all week>towel down, trou down, & joy-rocket is go for launch>Houstonwehaveliftoff.mp4>no>wait>stop>DAMMIT>it's been too long, only last a few minutes>iamdisappoint.jpg>femanon, but "gifted" with 40+-min refractory period>occasionally delude self that tonight will be the night I get a twofer...

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Switch launch

>be me, 18>march 3rd, 2017>stay up all night pacing around the room>bought into the incredible hype for the switch>worked with my dad installing tradeshows just to earn enough cash for this thing>been neet since 16 so working was incredibly daunting>my hype kept me up until 5 am>lightly knock on my mom's door>dont want to make my mom drive to walmart and sit through the...

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Rich uncle

>Be me  >Be 20  >have rich uncle who owns a few nice cars  >acquire gf at college bc easy  >on winter break  >drive to uncles house with girl in my shitty '98 Civic  >sneak into his garage  >take his Ford Shelby GT  >drive way up into the mountains and park the car at a scenic overlook >get in the back with gf and start going to...

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Club penguin

>be me>playing club penguin trying to hook up with bitches >my mum comes in and says that after I lost her her job I should get a part time job>I tell her to fuck off >she sighs >"I-i-t's okay, Anon. It's not your fault you're special." >Stupid bitch. Why does everyone need to tell me that? >Ffwd 1 month later >now she just wears really red...

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playing league

>3 am>12 hours into my League of Legends normie killing campaign>playing my waifu jinx >some normie is obviously using hax and kills me. >I manage to hold back a scream. Only for my beautiful waifu>still angry, decide to eat tendies for comfort.>reaches to special curves>lifts tendie fold>no tendies, only sweat and barbie q sauce >pull out my sauce covered...

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New daddy

>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session>tummy is making hungry noises>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train>don't care,...

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never choose nuggies over tendies

>be at Burger King>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal>this means I can order more nuggies!>time to load up>decide to get 200>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead...

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Anon on diet

>playing some call of dooties tree>my belly starts to rumble>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss.">"Anon, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!">"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!">no response>wait a few minutes>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door>mommy had it installed...

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goes to the doctor

>Be me, working on my minecraft peaceful world>mummy comes in, hands up in submission >"a-anon... It's time for your doctors appointment...">look her dead in the face>"if you make me go to that jew Doctor I'm going to shit in your fucking bed.">"now anon, if you behave... I'll give you a triple Tendie meal from anywhere you want.">sold, but resolve to give her as hard a...

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Shadow Killer

>in my room browsing /e/ and deviantart>mom comes in>"anon, we're having company round later, could you please shower">remind her to call me shadow killer and tell her that water burns my skin (the only liquid I can touch is mountain dew)>"o..okay shadow killer">throw a piss bottle at her to frighten her into never forgetting again>5pm now>ask my whore mom where my chicky...

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