>Be britfag visiting family in 'murica >Always fun being here over 4th... no.>Stepmom wants to go to the county fair... fuck it>Get there, park up, first thing I see is fucking elephants>Fucking elephants>Elephants bouncing around, balancing on stools doing shit elephants aren't about>Spazzing the fuck out because of said elephants. >Stepmom views this as normal county fair activity>Walk around looking at rednecks having fun etcetc>Get a beer, get fucking asked for ID (look about 30...) >Walk around looking at animals cause fucking animals>See a yellow stand in the distance with pictures of monkeys>Monkeys riding dogs>MONKEYS RIDING DOGS>Wut.>Spend whole time completely confused by the notion>Amerifags going nuts for monkeys riding dogs... still wut>Fucking hungry so look for food>What in the fuck? >Can't even describe what type of food you weird fucks even describe as food>Stepmom calls it "fair food">My fucking nutsack that is related to food>Go home, neighbour comes over and asks us to fireworks>Get to his house, bunch of hillbillies getting fucked off beer thats like 0.000002% >Drink well over 9000>Get all the redneck ladies creaming for my accent>Rednecks love the accent>All rednecks get too drunk >Either pass out, drive home or go to bed>Go home
>be 25 year old american>go to Germany, first time in Europe>plane lands, i applaud>in german airport, take off pants, shoes, leave 3oz sample of blood, semen in quart sized ziploc>"Sir, you dont need to do that, just walk through the metal detector">"sorry, nicht spriche deutsch">"Sir, i am speaking english">go directly through metal detector, do not get iradiated, do not get groped>tip the security guard 5 euro because that is the smallest paper money>Spend the first day in Frankfurt, it's a great city>walk to train station>lots of foreigners around, can't hear any english>walk with hand in back pocket to protect wallet>keep other hand in side pocket to protect phone>unable to operate the ticket machine. Language options are union jack, deutsch flag and france>get on train without ticket>gestapo officers in uniform come up to me>"Morgen, karte bitte">"I'm not Morgan">"Apologies. Good morning, ticket please">"Nicht spriche deutsch">"Sir, I speak english">cant understand his crazy nazimouth, tip him 30 euro to leave me alone>he tips me back for being a cool American>Train arrives in Munich. Begin applauding>nobody claps, don't want to ruin my solid American applause>tip every passenger for letting me solo>get rental car>too many pedals>walk to McDonalds to order Double Quarter Pounder>fucking idiot gives me wrong meal, end up with Hamburger royale kasse>only tip him 30%>use burger to weigh down extra pedal>car rolls backwards into river>applaud the whole way in
