>be me in middle school
>school has computer lab in the school library
>little shit me got bored
>decided to download a proxy on a usb to play games on miniclip
>shithead next to me sees me playing billiards and asks how I did this
>tell him I make hacks that can bypass school firewall
>shithead asks if he could buy one from me
>made five bucks that day
>next day shithead and some of his friends come up to me asking for more "hacks"
>next day I am forty dollars richer
>month later I'm playing Bush Shootout in school library
>entire library is filled with kids
>realized a week ago that I'm pretty much a drug dealer for kids with video game addictions
>retarded me is acts like a massive introvert and looks over to the person on my left
>mfw he's watching hentai on the school computer
>ctrl-alt-delete
>enter that bitch's computer
>kid who I later find out is mentally challenged and a massive liar gets pissed
>two weeks later school PA tells me to go to vice principals office
>fuck
>enter office to see vice principal tells me he knows about the usbs and says he wants to check my backpack
>lucky me didn't have any in my backpack
>finds out school "audited" their system and found out about the games and even the hentai
>finds out hentai kid from earlier tried blaming the entire thing on me including the hentai
>entire time I'm telling vice that the kid was the one who watched it, didn't reference the usbs
>vice says he knows it was a lie and wanted my response to see weather or not I was the supplier
>mfw he trusted me
>mfw I got away with a days suspension
>mfw other kids got weeks suspension
>mfw hentai kid got a two weeks suspension
>I do not like narcs in my business
>be me in 4th grade
>in math class, desks are aligned in a u-shape in front of the teacher
>anon sits the the end, crush sits across
>had tacos, the shitty school lunch kind
>my stomach starts hurting so I ask ms.teacher if I can go use the restroom
>"no anon sit down"
>"but miss! It's an emergency!!"
>"anon sit down I know you just want to get out of class"
>minutes pass, the feeling goes away
>crush asks if she can borrow my eraser
>then all of the sudden ohshit.jpg, the dam is approaching critical levels
>if anon gets up, he will shit his pants. If anon doesn't get up, he will loose the privilege of having his crush use his eraser
>most difficult dilemma 4th grade anon has ever faced
>anon decides he must not leave a damsel in distress. anon is after all, a gentleman
>somehow made it all the way to her desk, start getting butterflies, blood just rushes straight to my head
>loosing control of bowels, push her off the seat and sit down in hopes of regaining control
>little sally says "ms teacher!! anon pushed me and won't get off my seat!!!"
>ms teacher says "sally be quiet ms teacher is busy teaching the other students"
>little sally is very angry, starts pushing poor anon off
>after and agonizing battle, anon gets pushed off. face down, ass up
>at that moment... the diarrhea
>shits, man, just so much shits
>projectile type shit for a good 30 fucking seconds
>shit goes fucking everywhere
>whole class just stares in horror, little sally throws up on my shit, making the shit splash onto other people including herself
>ms teacher is in a state of shock, everyone is gagging and running around
>I start covering the shit/vomit with books, pants trail shit as I move
>oh shit.. Not done shitting
>how the fuck can a 10 year old shit so much
>run to the bathroom, finish my shit, nurse comes in with clean pair of clothes, makes me shower
>I go home
>never go to that school again
And then.. Years and years later, I come home from college this weekend and I see little Sally at brother's football game
>"anon!! It's you!! please tell me you used the bathroom today!!"
We catch up, have a few drinks, I invite her to dinner.. and the rest is history. Been together 4 years now
>be junior year in high school
>wouldn't say i was a loner, wouldn't say i was popular. somewhere in between
>had a friend named george
>george hung out with the "cool kids"
>i was always lonering out, because george's friends didn't like me
>going home by myself one day, nothing abnormal
>george signals me to his car
>george and I off to get some ice cream
>we get there, get some good cream
>so creamy
>walk outside
>george's pile of dicks followed us all the way to the ice cream parlor
>"hey pussy, get out of our turf"
>their turf
>turf
>it's an ice cream parlor
>look over for george
>george is in his car, driving away
>kid walks up to me, his friends are backing me up
>he takes a swing at me
>the kid's already throwing punches
>i take a hit in the jaw
>he doesn't think i would swing back at him
>Solitude is independence.
>swing my arm up at his jaw
>uppercut
>kid hit's the side of the road, he can't get up.
>i run away from him
>the other kids are scared shitless, they're backing up
>i turn around
>signal to my muscles
>start my grand finale
>falling forward
>winding up hand in a circle
>hit him flat on the face
>five knuckle shuffle
>wave open palm around my face at his friend for added effect
>you can't see me
>my time is now
>mfw i'm john cena
>be me
>8 years ago
>4th grade
>after recess
>class lines up to take a bathroom break
>teacher only allows one student to go at a time
>my turn
>walks into the bathroom
>the smell of shit burns my nostrils
>suffocating.gif
>walks over to the toilet
>the whole fucking bowl was green
>toilet paper gently layered the top portion of shitty water
>flushes the toilet
>I doesn't go down but instead fills with water
>"No no no"
>it stops before it overflows
>by this point I really have to shit
>fuck it
>I drop my pants and shit in the toilet
>my mom bought Taco Bell the night before
>the rapids of hell had been released
>I finished as quickly as I could, wiped, then pulled up my pants
>without thinking I flush the toilet
>it finally over flows
>"Oh fuck"
>walks out like nothing happened
>gets back in line
>the next student goes
>as he turns the corner into the bathroom everyone hears a loud thud followed by crying
>he walks out in tear covered in shit and toilet paper
>I never got in trouble
I still remember it to this day
>Be 12 years ago
>Be 17
>Be in high school
>The school Janitor was an asshole
>School is located in Florida
>Ghetto as fuck school
>like I said, the janitor was an asshole
>Complaints of the janitor insulting people based on race
>School ignores it
>I walk down the hall one day
>See for myself the dumb fuck janitor bullying people walking down the hall
>Calls this 14 year old black kid a disgusting nigger
>Said 14 year old was my brother
>I'm fuming mad
>I know what I have to do..
>I walk into the bathroom and locate a toilet with a turd in it
>Its the grossest toilet i've ever seen, mushed turd sliding against the toilet walls
>Urines also caked and dried all over the toilet walls
>Evil Smile
>I go back to class
>Pay 4 of my friends 10 dollars each to shit in all 3 toilets and not flush
>2 hours later they do it
>Its lunch break
>I walk to my car in the parking lot and start searching for rocks
>Find a few small rocks that fit in my hand
>Smuggle them to the bathroom
>Set my backpack on the wall next to a urinal (don't know why I thought that would be smart)
>See all the toilets have warm shit in them, along with the 1st toilet that already had shit in it
>Start dropping the rocks into the toilet
>Rocks are blocking up the toilet
>Start flushing crazily on all of them
>2 minutes later they all start to overflow
>I walk to the bathroom door with a smile on my face
>I turn around to see about 8 turds all slide across the ground as the urine stream following it makes its way to the walls and door
>I realize the spill might go out onto the hall
>Oh god is it really that bad?
>I run into one of the stalls and see a tornado of turd buildup in the toilet
>I start running for my backpack
>I trip on the wet floor
>Faceplant onto the wet floor breaking my fucking nose
>I get up, covered in shit, with a broken bloody nose...
>walk out
>walk to my car about to drive home to shower
>Remember my backpack, which had my car keys
>Run inside the school
>Teachers are trying to close the door and seal it shut so no more shit comes out..
>One teacher spots me
>I literally have a turd smashed into my shoulder and my body is soaking from other peoples urine
>My nose is smashed up and blood literally leaks onto the floor
>Ask teacher to open the door
>Teacher refuses
>I ask where the janitor is and why he isn't cleaning this up
>"Oh he went off duty 1 hour ago"
>TFW I pretty much did that for no reason
>TFW the school reviewed security tapes for the hall and forever has a video of me crying as I leave the bathroom covered in shit and blood
>TFW they recovered the backpack HOURS later and it was covered in feces
>TFW I came home covered in shit, blood, and leaking from urine.. With a backpack full of feces and destroyed possessions
>TFW I HAD to dig inside my feces covered backpack to get my keys
>TFW my dad was in the shower when I got home and I had to go to the hospital because of my nose first
>Go to hospital covered in shit, urine, and with a broken nose
>TFW My mom never even questioned it
>Be me
>In tenth grade
>Newtownfag
>Obviously tards around here are a bit frowned upon because of Lanza and his crazy antics
>Meet this tard kid
>Name is Todd
>Pretty cool kid, not a real tard like some other kids in our school
>Has high funtioning autism, so he's pretty smart
>Our school has a tech team that Lanza was a part of so Todd fits right in
>Todd and I become fast friends
>He still has some odd quirks, one of them is breaking chairs
>One day I walk into the tech room and find Todd inside
>He's sitting in a chair minding his own business
>Turn around for five fucking seconds
>Massive crash
>What the hell??
>Todd broke the chair
>Not just in like an "Oops I'm a tard" way
>He sat in the chair and it collapsed
>Kaythen.webm
>Next day the same thing happens
>And the next day
>And so forth
>Todd breaks five fucking chairs
>In a week
>But this was just the beginning, Todd was going to shock us all
>Four months into school
>Almost Christmas break
>Todd and I share a chemistry class
>There's this other kid who we share a class with, name is Wilson
>Wilson's a full-on weeaboo faggot, has an anime background on his computer and draws My Little Pony fanart
>Wilson thinks Todd and him are friends
>Todd thinks otherwise
>Wilson asks to be his partner for a chem lab
>Todd responds in the most monotone voice
>"Wilson I'm sorry you and I are not friends I do not like you and I think you are annoying as fuck. Please leave me alone."
>Silence
>Wilson is speechless
>I am speechless
>Todd goes back to work
>After the chem incident learn that Todd has a 504 plan
>Autism thing
>Cool.jpg
>Realize that Todd is actually fucking hilarious
>Become even better friends
>IloveTodd.jpeg
>Fast forward to January
>Me and Todd are hanging in the tech room cause we have no lives
>Begin talking about love interests and shit
>Turns out Todd has a crush on some girl
>Let's call her T
>Todd likes T but isn't too sure about confessing because of Aspergers
>Decide to give Todd a confidence boost
>Tell him he's real fucking cool and that he can do whatever he wants
>Todd agrees and goes to ask T out
>It would turn out to be the biggest mistake of our lives
>Todd asks T out
>She says yes, yay for Todd
>The tard gets the girl, but I didn’t think much farther than that
>Todd and T don’t do many couple things
>In fact, they don’t do anything at all
>Todd and T are existent only in name
>Tell Todd to make a move, Todd hesitantly agrees
>One day Todd and T are in the tech room when me and my gf walk in
>Show Todd and T how to make out, over exaggerate a lot
>Remember, my friends, Todd has autism/aspergers
>Exaggeration is a no-no
>Leave the tech room after T plants a kiss on Todd’s cheek
>Dissapointed
>The next day Todd walks up to me
>”We did it”
>What?
>”We made out”
>I am happy for my tard friend, and I congratulate him
>I think this could be a new chapter in his tard life, and I hope I helped him fro the better
>But oh, am I wrong
>Talked to T the same day, turns out Todd’s definition of making out and mine are very different
>Todd grabbed her head
>And licked her face
>Not like a hormone fueled lick, but a long slow drag
>Over and over
>Todd what have you done
>mfw I ruined Todd’s relationship
>mfw T got with some loser named Jordan who was a year younger less than a month later
>mfw Todd is back to being single and depressed and sad
>be me 19
>have to repeat senior year, cuz was in mental hospitals for depression and anger previous year
>be lut in "private highschool" thats fucking shit
>its a dumping ground for regional countys, to put there retarded, emotionally disturbed, ghettoscym, and rendeck inbredtrash when there to lazy to deal with them.
>in lunch one day, local tard named bobby waves to me
>have fucking unnatural hate for tards
>flick off bobby, with biggest middle finger imaginable
>bitch teachers see, give me a warning
>sit down with some fat fucking ugly chick, cuz i feel bad for her, and at the time was the only sensable kid in school there(have story about her later, if u want).
>she complains about this autistic fuck named connor, always calling her fat
>hadenoughofthsishit.jpeg
>connot sitting just behind her, try to tell him to fuck off my friend
>he ignores me, so i slam the book outta his face.
>fucking tard charges at me, stunned at first to how things escalated so quickly
>rage kicks in, beat the fuckig shit outta scarwny bigheaded tard, whom i shit you not had the head of a twenty year old, but the body of a 6th grader.
>get seperated from him, he calls me a bitch, and pops of the leg of this comfor t toy i have(its on a balljoint, so it wadnt eeally broken, per say).
>this bitch isnt getting away with this, no one hurts scarface and calls me a bitch
>get detention for a day, let off with a warning
>be few days later
>insisting to "apoligize" to connor
>find him in hallways
>tell him i want to speak to him
>he says something along the lines of "i dont wanna speak to you, fuck off dummy".
>i yell that i need to soeak with you, turn hinaround, and sockerpunch tardy in the face
>beat the fuckjng shit outta the soerglord again, feel fucking enraged and powerful
>finally get suspended from that
>and thats how i got my addiction to fighting people
>be me in lunchroom
>talking to what meager friends i have, in that miserable school
>some ghetto cunt makes a joke, about my butt crack showing
>i ask which one of u bastards said that?
>apeish bitch stands up, as if to challenge me
>nottakinghisshit.jpeg
>throw waterbottle, hits him in the fucking face
>his ghetto bitch friend demonte, who became somewhat a rival in school, tries to push me down the floor.
>little bitch his trying to hold my arms outve the way, cuz he cant stand a punch.
>puncehd him in the face atleast ince by this point, he kncks me on the floor, and te teachers hold me back from strangling him
>i shout at him and call him a nigger, which in hindsight was bad, as i do have some black friends, and feel sorta bad for this.
>i get suspended for the incident, and im banned from eating in the lunch room.
>be last day of school
>olaying with autistic younger kids, who see me as their reject king(as i was known in the school, as the edgy cunt who hated almost everybody).
>demontes being a nignog, hitting all the doors and cakking my name through the window.
>realize ill never get this chance again
>open the door, and fucking pumpslap his black ass.
>he starts going ape on me, i beat his cottonpucking ass, teachers seperate us
>this time i dont call him a nigger, but say hes a ghetto monkey instead.
>MFW that was the last straw, and im technically banned from the school
>luckially it was only days, aftwr funally getting my fucking diploma
>Be me
>Be 16, around 2000
>Wasn’t an outcast but wasn’t a popular kid either
>Kinda did my own thing really
>Shared World History with this kid
>His name was Greg
>And this was his fall from grace and into autism
>Greg at this point was quiet, and reserved, never did anything to get bullied
>Especially after Columbine
>All that was going to change soon
>Friday he was totally fine
>That Monday
>Apparently Greg’s parents had bought him a computer, and an Internet connection
>Oh, how two days can change a man
>He obviously hadn’t showered at all since friday
>He didn’t really pay attention during class and was mostly drawing in his notebook
>His smell was palpable
>The bell finally rang
>Greg collected his things and headed for the door
>Not before he bumped into a guy named Mike
>Mike was not pleased with Greg’s odor
>”Jesus Greg, you fucking reek.”
>Greg stood silent for a moment
>And then he did it
>He fucking growled at Mike
>Mike just pushed Greg out of the way and made his way into the hallway and walked to his next class
>The rest of the kids gave Greg a strange room for the rest of the day
>Tuesday
>Apparently Greg didn't do his homework the night before
>Instead he bought a gray hoodie, and some cloth
>And sewed some years to the hood
>At least he showered this time
>Thankfully
>The teacher was this really nice vegan lady from Oregon
>She was a little pushy with homework but that was it really
>She asked for homework to be passed up front
>Everyone had theirs in
>"Greg? Where's your homework?"
>Silence
>"Greg?"
>She approached his desk
>The room was strangely tense, before this Greg was a good student
>She was standing at Greg's desk
>"Greg?"
>She reached out for a piece of paper she assumed was his homework
>And then he snapped at her
>Not like screaming or yelling, but he tried to bite her
>You could actually hear the clack of his teeth
>The teacher gasped
>Greg just got up and Naruto ran out of the room
>No one had seen such a thing before and we were really taken aback by him trying to bite the teacher, but the way he ran
>The teacher called security
>No one saw Greg for the rest of the day until one of the Stoner kids reported seeing Greg in after school detention
>Apparently he got on a table, curled up into a ball and tried to nap
>The Indian man in charge didn't care enough to bother him
>Wednesday
>Greg apparently wanted to make it up to the teacher
>Unfortunately she was a little late because her Ford broke down
>One of the football players brought her to campus on his motorcycle
>She had what was left of a bug on her cheek that she missed
>She walked into class ten minutes after class started
>She apologized for her being late
>Greg walked up to her
>Hood up
>Shitty cloth ears flopping
>She looked at him puzzled
>"Is there something you want to tell me Greg?"
>She was probably hoping for an apology
>Greg grabbed her face
>He had folded notebook paper in his hand
>Pulled her close to his
>And licked her cheek
>And the bug guts too
>The whole class went dead silent
>Greg then tucked the paper into her breast pocket and sat back down
>The teacher, as a testament to her character, pretended that never happened
>The class went on as normal
>She looked shaky and on the verge of tears the entire time while we were talking about the Boxer Rebellion
>When the bell rang again, Greg bolted full Naruto style out of the room
>His hoodie came loose and fell off
>Revealing a really shitty attempt at anime hair
>I didn't see him again for the rest of the day
>After school as I was walking home I saw our US History teacher talking to the school cop
>With her equally vegan and upset boyfriend there too
>We didn't see Greg for two weeks after that.
>Thursday, two weeks after the incident
>Greg was back
>If you think he was bad after a weekend of early 2000s Internet, Greg has been exposed for a full two weeks
>He clearly hadn't showered, at all
>He looked like he slept, ate and shat in the gray eared hoodie
>He reeked
>He also added a very poorly made tail to the back
>By this time we were on World War 1
>The teacher decided to hold class outdoors for once to demonstrate some things
>As soon as we got outside, everyone put themselves up wind of Greg
>The teacher would live to regret having class outside
>Everything was going fine, we were discussing the Battle of Somme in the gentle Arizona winter
>"Greg, what are you doing?"
>All eyes shot to Greg to see what horror we were about to witness
>Greg was digging with one hand in the soft soil
>He didn't answer
>Everyone turned back to our teacher
>And then the digging got more ferocious
>"Greg, please stop digging, the grounds keepers worked really hard to grow that grass!"
>No answer, he kept digging
>"Greg!"
>The digging intensified
>"Greg, stop it!"
>Still nothing
>Mike stood up and started walking towards Greg to stop him
>By this time Greg had a foot deep hole about square foot wide
>Everyone stopped
>Their faces when
>Greg turned around
>Dropped his pants
>And started to poo
>Oh God the stench
>This is probably the first shit he had in two weeks
>Everyone flipped and got as far away from him as possible
>Greg managed to fill the entire hole up
>He then lifted his pants
>Sniffed it
>And then buried it
>The 9/10 goth girl fainted
>Greg got sent to the office
>And was sent home for the day
>Friday
>Greg was tolerable that day, nothing happened
>The following Monday
>Greg was late to class
>Like really late
>The poor teacher marked him absent
>Half way through the treaty of Versailles guess who showed up
>Fucking Greg
>And the horror
>We didn't see it at first, or for the next ten minutes
>And then we heard it
>A crunch
>And not the normal granola kind
>Like the wet, gross kind
>The kind that something biting into a bone would make
>The girl in front of Greg turned around
>She flipped her shit
>"Greg what the fuck!"
>Greg had a bird
>A half eaten bird
>He was late because of this
>I was marginally impressed because he managed to catch a bird, kill it, and partially eat it
>I also wanted to throw up
>The teacher approached him and attempted to rescue the poor avian creature from this kid
>Greg wasn't having it
>He actually landed a bite on her
>A bad one
>Mike had enough of this shit
>Before he could react though Greg through his meal at him
>The distraction worked
>Greg attempted to jump over a desk
>He failed and landed face first on the tile
>Luckily he had enough time to get up, spit out some blood and Naruto run out of the room
>Somehow, he wasn't expelled for this
>Our teacher missed two weeks of school because of an infection though.
>About a week into our poor teacher's absence
>The substitute put us in the computer lab to research some shit
>She sat right behind Greg
>Thanks to her fatness and her odor, she was immune to Greg's smell barrier
>Our schedule was fucked that day
>They were having a assembly for 8th graders that would be attending next year
>So we only had our first class that day
>For eight hours
>We broke for lunch, nothing weird happened with Greg, yet.
>When we got back though, shit started happening
>Slowly
>Everyone had the post lunch sleepies
>Half the class was napping at their terminals
>The others were either working or goofing off
>I was helping the 9/10 goth girl work on her Horror novel
>Wasn't too bad except for some grammar errors
>And we were flirting
>Shit was cash
>The substitute fell asleep at some point, leaving Greg free to do as he pleased
>And he was really pleasing himself
>I happened to glance up and catch it
>Poorly drawn, early 2000s furry porn
>Greg was jacking it pretty hard
>He must have just started because no one seems to have noticed yet
>"Hey, Anon. What are you staring a- OH MY GOD."
>The goth girl freaked out
>This in turn drew attention to Greg
>Who happened to start climaxing
>The next five seconds was beautiful
>The screaming woke up the Sub
>Greg panicked mid cum
>Instead of turning off the computer he pushed the monitor off the desk
>He ended up getting cum everywhere
>After this incident he was handed to the tard wranglers
>He was transferred out of regular classes
>But this was not the end of Wolfman Greg
>We went a month without Greg shenanigans
>Everything was peaceful
>I even managed to sleep with the goth girl a couple of times outside of class
>Greg was even allowed to join us occasionally
>He was heavily guarded by a wrangler though
>He didn't speak much, but we nicknamed him "8 Ball"
>8 Ball didn't take Greg's shit, except for letting him growl or whine once in a while
>Near the end of Junior year we thought we had heard the last of Wolfman Greg
>Nope
>Lunch time
>I was sitting with the Goth Girl, Marian and her gaggle of dark brooding sisters
>Had a good view of the courtyard where the other tables were at
>We were talking about Poe when it happened
>The doors to the tard building burst open
>And there was Greg
>I was horrified
>I watch him sprint out, howling
>8 Ball no where to be seen
>No one really cared or noticed the horror about to happen
>Greg wondered around for a bit before singling out prey
>This poor shy girl named Marissa
>He snuck up behind her
>Oh God
>He pinned her to the table
>And pretended to mount her
>He had his dick out and was rubbing it on the back of her sweater
>Howling like a wolf the whole time
>Everyone went ape shit and scattered
>This had to be the final straw
>This went on for what felt like forever
>Eventually he came up Marissa's back
>8 Ball finally showed up after getting Arby's
>Greg was expelled after this and labeled a sex offender
>Marissa dropped out
>8 Ball lost his job
>That was the end of Wolfman Greg for high school
>Six months ago
>It's been fifteen years since seeing Greg
>He had left my mind entirely
>Driving through my old town to visit my folks
>Then I see it
>Is that?
>No fucking way
>Holy shit
>It's fucking Greg
>On a vintage Vespa
>I am in fucking aw that he's got a sweet scooter and I'm on a second had liter bike
>Nearly rear end a taxi
>He pulls up next to me
>Thankfully he doesn't recognize me
>I can fucking smell him through my helmet
>I nearly puke
>Manage to distance myself from him and get to my parents place
>Dinner is fine, mom's doing great, blah blah
>Decide to meet up with some old friends for a ride
>Step outside
>See that fucking Vespa in the neighbor's drive way
>Is that?
>No
>Ignore it and go cruise
>Come home a few hours later
>Vespa still there
>Please no
>Greg lives next door to my folks now
>After talking to now 3/10 goth girl on Facebook
>Greg's folks died and he inherited a large chunk of change
>Bought the house next to my parents
>Is a complete neet.
>He doesn't do anything but browse the Internet probably and do Wolfman things
>Try to not let this crush my soul and crawl into my old bunk bed to sleep for the night
>As I'm drifting off to the though of making the Goth Girl of yesteryear swallow my cum and calling me her owner I hear it
>It's fucking howling
>God dammit Greg
>My boner is ruined
>It's loud too
>Greg's fucking howling keeps me up until 3am
>I finally fell asleep
>Wake up the next morning
>Go through the day with my folks a shell of my former self
>That night
>It happens again
>The terror is replaced with rage no
>Open my window
>This is it
>"Greg! It's 11 o'clock at night! I have to go home tomorrow and I need sleep! SHUT THE FUCK UP"
>Slam window
>It's quiet now
>Fall asleep and leave the next morning
>A few months later mom calls me
>The cops entered Greg's home due to a smell complaint
>They found Greg
>Greg was dead
>I inadvertently got him to kill himself
>I don't know anything else
>But the house was torn down
> It's now an empty lot
>But I, and hundreds of others still remember
>Wolfman Greg
God speed, you magnificent, early furry trash bastard.
