Breakfast

>be today >wake up next to gf >she's still chubby >wasn't like this when I met her >told her that she needs to lose weight >it's been four months >i need to put my foot down and today's the day >figure the best way to do it is after breakfast >breakfast ain't gonna make itself >she gets up, goes to kitchen >browse /g/ waiting for breakfast >she looks at me suspecting...

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Burrito

>racing home from tack bell >serious gut nuke about to implode  >niggadamn.gif >speed 24 miles over >dont want my car to turn into a blast zone >red and blue lights flash behind  >fuck >pull over, yes i know how fast i was going >please step out of the car, anon >cops call in drug doge >okay >sniffs car, sniffs me, barks >areyoufuckingwithme.jpg >empty...

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Trick or Treating

>be me >be 10 >go trick or treating >first 10 houses more or less tell me to fuck off >i can understand why >they had no food either >(poorfag neighborhood) >i wasnt even in a costume >eventually get to next house >excitedly say trick or treat >dapper looking gent answers the door >hello young man, here you must want this >gives me shitload of candy >thank...

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Unknown number

> Saturday morning > Playing vydia> Phone rings, unknown number> "Yes? Who is it?"> "Hey it's me, here is your daughter she wants to talk to you!"> "Hi daddyyy"> "I don't have a daughter. Who are you?"> "Christen"> "I'm not your father, I don't even know you"> I end the call> 20 seconds later> "Why did you do that to your daughter? What are you thinking? She is...

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Waking up

>be me >scotfag, 18 >commute to university by bus daily at 6:30am >drinking at the local pub the previous night >sit at back of the bus and chill >4 hours sleep >tired af, figured it would be a good idea to sleep >bus is packed full of people but still somehow manage to sleep even though I don't usually >wake up practically at campus bus stop >tiredeyes.jpeg >eyes...

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