>freshman in hs
>school has an unusually large tard population
>one tard, we'll call him lance, was very different from the other tards
>no one really knew how old he was, just that he was in his 20's and we had no idea wtf he was still doing at school
>Lance fully believed he was a police officer
>has plastic badge pinned to his shirt
>shirt has "SHERIFF" written on the back in sharpie
>ff a couple hours
>have to share the gym with tards in third period
>other tards stick to their side of the gym, throwing balls at each other's heads, or whatever the fuck tards do
>enter Lance
>lance has snobby attitude, and is constantly glued to the tard wranglers side until he has to "make an arrest"
>just chilling with my friends, walking laps around the gym
>lance stands in the corner with the wrangler, silently observing, waiting to make his move against the tyranny of 9th graders
>Lance picks his target and starts moving in
>target is 8/10 qt3.14 standing and gossiping with other lil bitches
>lance is always arresting her, but we assumed it was some creepy crush type deal he had for her
>while he's pretending to take the girl into custody, a jock guy decides to throw a basketball at his head
>devastatingimpact.exe
>lance collapses, lands face first, doesn't move
>gym is so quiet you could hear a mouse fart, everyone watching
>jock (let's call him Garrett) tries to play it off like an accident
>"oh shit my bad, dude!"
>hear lance start to hyperventilate while still face down
>like a bolt of lightning, lance is on his feet
>glaring at the Garrett with the hatred and spite of a thousand holocaust survivors
>grabs his police radio (a broken Nokia the wrangler gave him) and starts yelling into it in tard speak
>all I can decipher is "BRACKRUP, I NAED BRACKRUP" followed by more tard gibberish
>Lance drops his Nokia on the floor, and full on charges Garrett
>Garrett stands there in horror as this misshapen bulb of tard rushes towards him
>braces himself, but the brute force of the tard collision knocks him to the ground
>lance is now trying his best to push garrets arms and legs away so he can position himself on top of him
>so he can "arrest" him
>everyone just standing and watching in shock as this raging tard struggles to straddle a terrified, flailing teenager
>wrangler can't separate the two, shits like a dog fight
>Garret gets fed up and lands a solid punch into lances jaw
>outcold.jpg
>watch as Garrett struggles to push limp tard body off of him
>wrangler loses her shit, going on and on about how she's pressing charges on Garrett
>principle and police called, got to go to the science room and watch TV for the rest of the period
>never saw Garrett again, his friends said his mom made him transfer
>mfw lance still patrols the halls of my school
