Soap Squirter

>Be me in science a long time ago>Doing a experiment with chemicals n shit>Have to wash hands with soap after>My retarded ass thinks i'm hilarious>Slaps soaped hands together>"hueh im a otr">Soap flies off>direct hit on a 9/10 girls eyes>Ohshitnigger.jpg>Her eyes start welling up>Dont know what do>Starts fake laughing>"HAHAHAHAHA">Dont know how to apologize>Dries...

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The internet

>around 2005>Just started doing a course in media or some shit>Tons of emo kids and wannabe actors/ people who watched pulp fiction and thought "i could do that">One little faggot always went on about the internet>over 9000 etc>would spout stupid jokes and say shit like he was in a secret club>had that fucking banana phone song as his ring tone etc>this shit went on for weeks,...

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Pickles

>be me>be 17>went to the store>bought half gallon pickle jar>fucking love me some pickles>ate some pickles as soon as I got home>tastesgoodman.pdf>so good I decided to eat more of them>head over to computer>start playing vidya >urge is not sated>go back to life-giving pickles several more times>start eating more pickles>start eating several pickles...

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Ned

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sudden poop

>Be me>Be 2013 Summer in Delaware>Be going home from boardwalk at night (a 30-45 min drive home>Be with brother and two cousins>Be in car stuck in traffic>Suddenly have to shit really bad>Ask female cousin to pull over at gas station to use bathroom.>Guy at gas station says they have no bathrooms>Get back in car, very worried>I know i cant possibly make it home, >i need...

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Saved by George Carlin

>be me>in an back alley before I start my day of soul-sucking bullshit in a windowless building facilitated by the American Public School system>smoking the devil's lettuce>feelsgoodman.jpg>with friends>all taking hits of the wacky tobaccy>all get a terminal case of the fuck arounds>make jokes about lynching coons and jews a' burnin'>top tier keks>tubby friend's eye...

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Summer Camp

> summer camp, 5 years ago> be fifteen> its a guys only camp, but there is a girl only camp about three miles away> im a senior camper, meaning i have a bunch of privileges and shit the others dont > there is a female senior camper, lets call her Morgan> she comes up and says hi to me on the first day> throughout the first week (of a two month camp), she is constantly talking >...

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O'boy

>Be 9 year old me>Have a bad stomach for 2 weeks>Doctors say I might be allergic to milkfuckthat.jpg>I love O'boy (chocolate milk) and will never stop drinking it>Wake up one morning with extreme stomach pain>Spend entire morning on toilet>No more pains thank god>Go out for breakfast, make tuna toast for me and my 5 year old bro>Fucking delicious, but something is missing>I...

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Sex Ed

> grade 5 / 11 years old> bit fat, not many friends but other kids tolerate> box at front of class for anon questions during sex Ed> vas deferens> fallopian tubes> video designed to appeal to The Youth with fat lady casually discussing periods> anon box is still at front of room> thisismychance.bat> write question using other hand so can't be traced> "what does sex...

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