>Be 2013 Summer in Delaware
>Be going home from boardwalk at night (a 30-45 min drive home
>Be with brother and two cousins
>Be in car stuck in traffic
>Suddenly have to shit really bad
>Ask female cousin to pull over at gas station to use bathroom.
>Guy at gas station says they have no bathrooms
>Get back in car, very worried
>I know i cant possibly make it home,
>i need to shit somewhere along the way.
>No store in beach town seems to have a bathroom, yet at least 14 sunsations (its a beach store)
>Pull into second gas station.
>Run in and ask very politely if i can use the bathroom.
>Lady says no, the bathroom is for employees only.
>Tell lady that I must either use her bathroom or will shit pants.
>Other store patrons stare at me
>Bitch lady says sorry but she cant help
>Tell bitch lady ill give her $50 if she lets me use the bathroom.
>Take out wallet
>Bitch lady says no, i cant use her bathroom.
>bitch lady wont budge
>Give up, and run out of gas station, muttering curses under breath.
>Tell cousin to please hurry home, i need to use bathroom.
>Get out of the town, no businesses for miles, its marsh land.
>Breathing heavy, holding in shit has become very painful.
>Cousins are very concerned, ask me if i am okay.
>Tell them no, please hurry.
>Other cousin who is in medical school starts giving boring lecture about diabetes to calm me down. Helps slightly.
>Finishes lecture. little brother asks to hear one about effects of caffiene, cousin obliges.
>about to shit pants, pain coming in wave after wave.
>Tell cousin to stop the car and pull over, cousin refuses, were out in the middle of nowhere.
>Minute goes by, shout "STOP THE CAR!"
>Doctor cousin says to calm down.
>I repeat "STOP THE FUCKING CAR!"
>Car stops.
>We have reached an area surrounded by houses. Its dark out and there are trees and bushes everywhere.
>Doctor cousin asks, okay, this is a residential area, is this what you want?
Think for a monent, and say, "I guess so. Its either this or the car, so i dont have any choice."
>Fling door open, and waddle to bushes. >Walk to point where car view is obstructed by tree, in between group of bushes.
>Drop pants.
>Shit everywhere.
>Breathe sigh of relief. Pull pants back up, dont even bother thinking about wiping.
>Get back in car. Immediately after cousin starts driving, have to shit again, but worst of it is over
>Finally get home, run inside.
>Say hi to the 12 or so other family members.
>Hope no one smells the shit that is currently staining my underwear and jeans
>Run upstairs
>Drop on toilet
>Take huge, watery shit
>Shit profusely
>Turn on bathroom vent.
>Get in bathtub, and turn on water.
>Rinse shit off body.
>Its 11:30
>Realise everyone knows by now that i am washing shit off of myself.
>Pray to god that i didnt get any shit on the seat of my cousin's car.
>Towel off, and discover i havent cleaned off well enough yet.
>Spend about five minutes tping myself off.
>Rinse pants and underwear off in sink(not about to turn on bath faucet at what is now almost midnight)
>Wrap towel around myself, and walk to throw soiled clothes down laundry shoot.
>Walk into bedroom and put on new underwear and sweatpants.
>Go to bed embarrassed.
>Wake up next morning.
>Fully realize gravity of what happened
everyone pretends that last night did not occur.
>2 years later, post on 4chan
