>live in buttfuck middle of nowhere
>go to elementary school full of obese inbreds
>grades are divided by two's, so 3rd goes with 4th etc
>fat kid in grade under me, lets call him douglas
>looks like if bilbo baggins had sex with flubber
>douglas mcyogurt limbs gets homeschooled every other year because who the fuck knows why
>one day the whole school gets called down for assembly in the gym
>we single file through the door
>douglas is log rolling down the hallway behind us
>assembly is arranged by grades, we're in the very back because we're the oldest in the school
>lights dim, everyone gets quiet
>hear distant jingle of thighs slapping together like a happy sea otter
>douglas the dribble castle waddles through the door
>lady on stage starts talking, announces that today's assembly is about childhood obesity awareness
>herewegoagain.jpeg
>skit starts out with a teacher telling a story about an obese kid who's parents hate him
>mfw the kid in the story's name is douglas
>nigga is giving the perfect police description of the fatass 5th grader in my class
>storyteller he's a burden to his friends and family
>i start gigglin with te buds
>teacher runs out on stage and whispers in the storyteller's ear
>whole school goes silent
>storyteller looks up and says "just to be clear, this story is in no way related to the fat 5th grader douglas"
>whole school looks back at douglas
>mfw douglas is too busy molding a modern sculpture out of his thigh fat
>he looks up and waddles out of the room
>entire student body is laughing
>para educator walking behind him laughing his ass off and filming it
>never hear or see douglas again
