>Be living in a shitty flat with girlfriend
>Decide to buy a dog
>Usually a cat person but this dog is the shit
>I work day shifts girlfriend works nights
>End up spending more time with dog
>Dog is my bro
>3yearslater.txt
>One night I arrange to go to a pub with some friends
>Girl will be at work so dogbro gets house to himself
>I arrive at the pub
>pub is the shit without the "the"
>It's Saturday so pub is quite rowdy
>Start first round of beers
>Shit tear beer but enjoying the company
>Turns out it's karaoke night and my friend put me on the roster
>Start freaking out coz I can't fucking sing, I'm gonna need a lot more beer for this
>Buy a jug of beer and chug the whole thing in under 20 seconds
>Immediately start feeling dizzee (I didn't eat beforehand)
>Shit I'm up!
>Friend hands me some rum on the rocks and I down it like a shot
>Friend pretty much throws me onstage
>Drunk as fuck but it's making me reckless
>Not sure what song I sang but I belted that shit out
>Strained my voice so hard I projectile puked on half the patrons
>Get kicked out of bar but still hyped as fuck
>Home is only a few houses down so I start walking, taking several piss breaks on the way...
>Finally make it home but by now I'm hungry
>By this point I'm smashed as fuck
>Front door is locked so I go round back
>Dogbro is chilling with his bowl of food
>Fuck man give me some
>Scoop a handfull into mouth and immediately cringe at the taste
>mfw pet food can't help meal needs
>Fuck I need real food
>I need a fucking steak
>Dogbro is looking pretty fine right now
>Lean in and take a massive bite
>Dogbro screams in pain
>Blood sprays out like aerosol
>Covers me and the back porch in red
>It starts drying and caking to my face
>"Shit dogbro I'll get you a bandaid!"
>Stand up and twist the knob on the backdoor
>mfw it opens
>Turns out girlfriend had a migraine and never went to work, was there the whole time
>She hears me enter and runs downstairs
>Sees me standing in the doorway looking like something out of a horror movie
>Sees blood on my face
>Sees dogbro crying in a puddle of blood
>Girlfriend starts shouting at me and beating me
>At this point my head is in full spin and I'm too drunk to react to anything
>I just lie down on the carpet as my Girlfriend punches and kicks at me
>I eventually pass out
>We break up and after a court case she ends up keeping the flat and dogbro
TL;DR Opened the door, got on the floor, girlfriend took the Labrador.
