>be working in burger king (fast food)
>just launch new oreo shake
>red velvet flavor
>sweetfuckallmightyit'sgood.bmp
>everyone in restaraunt agrees it's fucking awesome
>i love it
>make my fucking teeth red but fuck it
>have four shakes before boss cuts me off
> "Anon you cant eat all of the product blah blah blah"
>stomach full of oreo-milkshake godliness
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>i had a nice day at work
>get home that night
>feeling horny as fuck
>pull out pc and start to spank it to some pronz
>realise that it's time for anal
>naked, searching around house for things to jam up my ass
>find some sharpies
>six sharpies
>yis.jpg
>back in room, having a fuckfest sliding shapires in and out
>sudden terror
>i have five sharpies
>no.png
> begin frantically searching around with fingers in my own ass
>nothing
>start panicking
>turn lights on
>bed is covered in blood
>covered nigga
>covered
>scared shitless
>go to bathroom, try to force marker out into toilet
>nothing coming out but shit
>end up taking a nice wet greasy dump
>shitting for a good 20mins, reading a hunting magazine
>practically forget about bloody sharpie expedition
>look into toilet
>red
>all fucking red
>how am i not dead, that alot of blood
>freak out, crying,
>call 911, screaming
>dispatcher says to calm down
>i embarassingly explain the nature of my distress
>she's telling me to calm down still, i'm hyperventilating
>wait
>WAIT
>WAIT ONE GOD DAMNED MINUTE
>THERES THE 6TH MARKER
>IT'S DRY
>WHY AM I BLEEDING OUT THE ASS?
>hang up on 911>
>that god damned shake
>THE MILKSHAKE
>THAT FUCKING MILKSHAKE MADE MY SHIT RED
>realize police are inbound
>fuck
>hide in woods next to my house,
>cops and ambulance searching for me
>cry in shame for three hours
>go back inside house
>sleep
>mfw
god i love milkshakes
