>aussie faggaroo
>just sitting on the sofa enjoying my day off
>watching reruns of Neighbors and the Dali Lama episode of MasterChef ‘Stralia
>vegemite sandwich in one hand, petting my cat with the other
>decide to change the channel, Looney Tunes pops up
>it’s one of the episodes with Bugs, Daffy, and Elmer Fudd
>you know the drilll
>”Duck Season”
>”Rabbit Season”
>”ABBOTT SEASON!”
>suddenly, a giant hole crashes through my wall
>It’s Tony Abbott, shotgun in hand and riding a giant crocodile
>”gooday m8!” he says, “crikey, what you doing with one of those wildlife-killing beasts, m8?”
>”what, me cat, m8?”
>”can’t have that on my continent, faggaroo!”
>Abbott shoots my cat, it explodes, vegemite goes everywhere
>explosion so loud I can no longer hear my neighbor Sheila’s Kylie Minogue music in the background
>”ye’ve broken the law of the outback, m8, looks like no valhalla for you”
>Abbott takes me by the arm and chucks me into a giant flying Holden
>there with all other cat-smuggling aussie prisoners
>prisoners
>you know where this is going
>Abbott jumps into the front seat and flies us all to England
>stops by Sydney Opera House on the way to claim it as his palace
>arrive at England at 3-o-bong, Abbott dumps all us prisoners right on top of Fuckingham “Palace”
>”new that’ what I call revenge, mate” Abbott laughs
>All Englishmen on their knees, can’t even fathom the Aussie Ascension
>Abbott personally busts his way into the Queen’s chambers
>Guards try to stop him with bayonets, but little do they know
>you can’t stabbatt the Abbott
>reaches queen, punches her square in the face
>steals crown, pulls sword from stone, knights himself King Abbott
>begins “Great Reverse Commonwealth”
>golden age for aussiekind
>vegemite starts raining from the sky
>Russell Crowe and Hugh Jackman win Oscars in the same year
>even Nicole Kidman’s career makes a comeback
>5sos win 17 Grammys
>Aussies win Ashes every year from then on
>Paul Hogan comes out of retirement to make 6 more Crocodile Dundee movies, they all make over 3 billion at the Box Ozzie
>George Miller directs biopic about Abbott’s life
>Steve Irwin rises from the grave, personal resuscitates 300 million endangered species with his bare hands
>”Great barrier reef!”
>Australia decimates all world problems - cancer, global warming, corruption in FIFA, infestation of cats
>And everyone would remember in admiration
>The great man that was Tony Abbott, killer of the Catzis.
