>be at top English university
>have qt3.14 gf who shares a house with me and some other friends
>body: 10
>face: 10
>personality: 10
>ask gf to make me a sandwich
Laughs, “do it yourself anon!”
>sense of humour: 10 as well
>I guess life’s pretty perfect... or so it would seem...
>gf goes home for a weekend for her dad’s birthday or some shit like that
>how dare she leave me high and dry for a whole 2 nights?
>a wild plan appears
>that weekend I have a LONG to-do list
>A) I’ve got a load of work that I need to do for my studies as well as (B) filling out a load of paperwork connected to my bank account and (C) I’m also supposed to be booking holiday for my gf and I
>that weekend I elect to do (D) fuck all
>instead, I spend all weekend calling my parents at home
>mum loves this and I make her very happy with how much I obviously miss her
>gf calls and texts over the weekend but I send no reply
>some of her texts start sounding a little lonely and hurt
>oh baby! The feels!
>Sunday evening, gf comes back
>sexytime.jpeg
>afterwards we chat about our weekends
>gf asks me how I got on with my to-do list
>admit I got nothing done
>curiosityaroused.bat
“oh no anon! Why not?”
>act real cagey
“oh you know... just was... busy... i guess”
“busy doing what?”
“babe I can’t really remember but I’m real tired...”
>pretend to fall asleep
>gf is obviously confused and I hear her lying awake, in the dark, breathing and thinking
>the paranoia builds
>the rest of the week, act real distant
>text mum A LOT
>mum is over the moon with the amount of attention her son is finally giving her and texts back constantly
>leave phone on loud
>gf can hear my phone pinging and ringing...
>all...
>the livelong...
>day.
>suspicionaroused.wmv
“who keeps texting you anon?”
“...erm... just my mum”
“what? You never text your mum?”
“oh... er... I guess now I do...”
>gf knows she has to drop it or she’ll look crazy
>That night I go out with my boyz
>Nothing special, just pub trip
>few pints
>Then back to the flat to play some vidya
>Get a text from gf asking me what time I’ll be back
>Hard to tell from text but I get the feeling she’s worrying about me...
>Perfect.
>Text back,
“I’ve run out of minutes so can you call me?” (This bit is actually true since I had been calling my mother SO MUCH)
>Only put one,
>little,
>tiny
>kiss.
>Barely has the text been sent than my phone starts ringing
“Anon why have you run out of minutes? Your contract includes 1000...”
“Gosh... I don’t know. Anyway, I think I’ll be back late tonight”
“Anon. Who have you been calling?”
“Errr... Only you and my mum”
“Anon you never call home and you hardly ever call me!”
“Look. I don’t know. Stop being so paranoid. I’ve got to get back to the lads”
>Gf knows she is a bit crazy but usually hides it very well
>Telling her she’s being paranoid makes her immediately stop because she doesn’t want to be that kind of girlfriend
“I’m sorry anon. I trust you... I love you.”
“Don’t worry about it babe. I trust you too!”
>Intentionally don’t say “I love you” back and just hang up
(I say, what’s cooler than being cool?!)
>Come back late
>Gf still awake even though it’s gone 2am
“Come snuggle with me anon”
“Sorry baby! I’m really tired and feel like I need space to myself so I’m gonna sleep in my own bed tonight”
(ICE COLD! Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright...)
>Wait 2 weeks before second stage of plan. Give gf plenty of time to stew in her paranoia.
>Go out to buy supplies
>Scheme.
>Gf is a medical student and sometimes has to work late nights
>One night she comes home late
>I’ve poured two glasses of wine in my bedroom and drunk both of them
>Mess up bed sheets
>Mess up hair
>Wearing nothing but dressing gown
>Gf comes in
“Who have you been drinking with anon?”
“Oh... er... no-one. I poured one for you then realised you weren’t home till late so drank yours as well”
>seemslegit.bat
>Gf clearly believes none of what I’m saying
>Tell her I need to go to toilet
>Leave her in my room
>Leave my phone on the bed
>Accidental-like
>I know she will see the phone
>I know she won’t be able to resist
>I know she doesn’t want to be that kind of girlfriend
>But she WILL go through my phone
>And the first thing she will see is an open Grindr app
>ohyes.ppt
>she will start searching round my room
>she will see a pot of empty Vaseline in the bin and some bloody toilet roll (I prepared this earlier using some food dye)
>she will search through my crumpled duvet
>she will find a giant, greasy dragon dildo
>she will freak the fuck out
>she will see my laptop is slightly ajar and she will open it to see the last thing I was looking at...
>Having done a nice, long, shit in the loo, I saunter back into my bedroom
>Gf is in tears
>Makeup all down her face
>Can barely contain my sides
“Baby? OMG! This is not what it looks like! I can explain!”
“NO ANON! I can’t believe I trusted you! You’ve been lying to me this whole time.
I thought I was being paranoid when you were getting all those texts...
I thought I was just being silly when you weren’t being affectionate to me anymore...
I thought that you could have just drunk two glasses of wine...
I thought there could be a reasonable explanation for the Vaseline in your bin...
I thought the Grindr app and the monster cock could be part of a prank...
But then I opened your laptop...
And I knew...
Only a fag would start a YLYL thread
